How to… choose your chief bridesmaid30th April 2012
As women we’re faced with several tough decisions in our life. Which University course do I choose? Am I ready settle down? Would I look really stupid with a fringe? O.k. maybe not the last one, but you know what I mean! Another tricky decision some of us will have to make is – Who do I choose as my chief bridesmaid?
Now this may seem like a simple question and I know what you’re thinking, “My best friend of course” and normally I’d be inclined to agree with you… However (as I’ll explain below) this might not be the best decision. So to ensure that you have the best hen party and pillar of support (aka chief bridesmaid) here are 5 tips on how to choose your chief bridesmaid .
- Before asking potential candidates, asses your friends and their strengths/ weaknesses
An important and often overlooked step in the process: just because your friend X is a good laugh, doesn’t mean she’s a great party planner. Similarly Y might be organised and a perfectionist, but she might not be able to let her hair down during the party. So take your time and think about who’ll be best for the job. Because you want someone supportive, fun, trustworthy and organised.
- Make sure they actually want to be a chief bridesmaid
This may seem really obvious but just because they’re your best friend that doesn’t automatically mean that they want to be your chief bridesmaid. So make sure you actually ASK them if they’d like the honour and not just assume. That way you’ll avoid potential awkward disappointment in case she declines (yes this does happen!)
- Make it clear what is required of them
You know this makes sense, especially if the friend in question has never been a chief bridesmaid before. Give her an idea of what you’d like her to get involved with. If you’d like her to be really involved – let her know, if you only want her to help out with little things – let her know. Obviously she’s going to have to organise your hen party but aside from that it’s only polite to warn her that you may need her to potentially camp out in front of Selfridges the night before the sale. Just so you can get those ivory peep toes you’ve had your eye on.
- Try and avoid the “family trap”
Family is grand but don’t let them bully you into choosing a family member if it’s not what you want. I’ve witnessed this quite a few times and family rivalry/bickering can ruin the build-up to big day. So unless you and your sister/cousin/aunt are close and can spend more than 2 days together without busting out into an argument, then don’t feel like you’re obliged to choose a family member, even if it’s what your folks want.
- Make sure your chief bridesmaid has your best interests at heart
It’s your wedding not hers. This may seem obvious to start with but believe me; once the two of you start sampling menus and trying on tiaras some chief bridesmaids become possessed by the “bride demon” and once possessed these women can become a pain. Some even start enforcing their opinions and preferences onto you (whilst completely disregarding yours.) So make sure you stand your ground and if she starts becoming a diva, remind her whose big day it really is.
If you follow these steps and use your own intuition then you’ll make the right decision. However if it does end up going wrong and you do want strangle your chief bridesmaid. Then there’s really no harm in calmly telling her that (for the sake of your friendship) you don’t think she should be the chief bridesmaid anymore and designate the role to someone else. Besides if she really is your friend she’ll understand.