10 Mistakes To Avoid When Dating, From The Other Gender
Categories: Dating Tips
As we have been launching some articles on our sister site Thestagcompany by our female writers on a female's perspective of dating, I thought it would be interesting to mirror this for HenHeaven.
1) Perfection Doesn't Exist
A close female friend of mine was going on a date a week in search of her dream man. After about 4 months of this, she kept commenting on how he didn't exist and that she was fed up of searching. When we spoke about her recent date, I asked what was wrong with him, however the reasons she gave me were bizarre and made absolutely no sense to me. From him having odd shoes, to his eating habits, they might not be exactly how you like them, but that shouldn't change how you feel about the person.
After discussing it for a while, she decided to go on a second date with him. That was a year ago and they are still together and she is crazy about him!
2) Never Mention The Ex
This goes both ways, I have no idea why people do it, but it has to be the one biggest put-off in the world. I went on a first date and as much as we got on, she mentioned her ex in three different conversations. For that reason alone, I didn't meet up with her again, as it felt to me like she was still caught up on him. I think when you start to date someone, you should leave your baggage at the door, that is one of the funnest things about meeting someone new!
3) Start How You Mean To Go On
I think it is important for both parties to believe in themselves and to set certain boundaries, even if they don't communicate that. If he's pushing you to do something you don't want to or displaying behaviour you would have never previously tolerated, then don't just give the benefit of the doubt.
Never allow someone to walk all over you. If you show weakness at the start to someone manipulative, it will only get worse. Don't mistake weakness for generosity or a friendly attitude. You can be generous and supportive, but you should never be forced to do things you aren't happy with.
4) Think Up Some Funny Stories
There are always going to be a few quiet parts of the night. It is then up to both of you to quickly think of something else. Sure, once you're comfortable with each other the silence is fine, but at the starting point it can just kill the mood. Try to think up some questions you could ask him or funny stories that relate to his work or life, so if you hit a silent point you instantly have some ammo you can fire at him.
5) At Least Pretend To Pay
I like to be romantic and offer to pay for our meal, however we pick up on signals when it comes to the cheque coming out and it can put a bad taste in our mouth. I fully expect to pay and if my date offered to pay half, I would kindly reject her offer and insist I paid. On the other hand, when it comes to the cheque and they sit back without a second glance at the cost, little alarm bells go off in our heads. You don't even have to have any intentions of paying, at least offer to pay half. If you sit back and watch them pay, then refuse to say thanks, then you will probably find more often than not you won't get a follow up call.
Following a survey of 500 men (produced by our company back in 2014), it was found the average date costs a guy £100, therefore dating can be a very expensive experience. It also found that 52% of men expect the woman to pay their half.
6) Reading Too Much Into The Time Between Texts
I genuinely believe women are of a much higher intelligence to men. We are dopy creatures which can sometimes be inconsiderate without realising. After a date, I don't wait 3 days to message because I'm waiting for an 'acceptable amount of time', I'm normally just a bit busy at work and I'm pre-occupied. Just the same, if we don't text for another six hours after your message, I wouldn't read too much into it.
On the other hand, if he's sending 100 texts an hour then you might want to step back and check your house security, that man be crazy!!
7) Don't Drink Too Much
OK, this is actually one that I did. Once I have a few drinks, I grow in confidence. I was on a date a few years ago and it was going amazingly well, so I started ordering us some Long Island Ice Tea's. Anyone who has drunk them will know how much they pack a punch! Unfortunately, if one person gets more drunk than the other then you are left in an awkward position where they're awkwardly trying to understand you as you slur out something incomprehensible.
8) Don't Just Talk About Yourself
Following a survey that asked guys what the biggest offput is on a date, the number one negative trait was when their date kept talking about themself. It is obviously important to share everything that makes you amazing, but you also need to show an interest in the person you're dating. If you only speak of yourself, you will come across self-centered, something you definitely don't want in someone you're potentially going to enter a relationship with.
9) Don't Mention The 'I Don't Sleep With Men On The First Date'
Most guy's (definitely not all) aren't expecting sex on the first date. Don't get me wrong, we're secretly hoping for it, but we completely base it on whether she wants it yet or would rather wait. There is no issue at all with waiting 3 dates and getting to know someone a bit better, in fact I think this can be a good thing towards it evolving into a relationship. However there is no need to unnecessarily highlight that you don't sleep with people on a first date, it just seems a bit presumptuous and aggressive. The subject doesn't need to be brought up, if you're not interested then just say goodbye at the end of the night.
10) Highlight Your Aspirations
I think one of the best impressions that stuck with me was when a woman I dated spoke about how she wanted to travel to Asia and tube in Laos, how she wanted to become a freelance graphic designer and how she was really interested in learning how to play the piano. It doesn't matter what motivates you, we all have aspirations in life and these are great conversation movers. It is so easy to talk about places you would both love to see in the world, what they want to do in the future or anything that might be on their personal bucket list.
If a date tells me she loves nothing more than watching Soaps all evening then I will find the quickest opportunity to run for the door. There is nothing wrong with enjoying TV show's, but don't sell yourself short and pretend you have no life aspirations (unless you honestly don't, but I refuse to believe that).