Hen Party Jokes
Categories: Hen Party Advice
As the chief bridesmaid, it is your job to keep around 12 relatives, family friends, old school pals and workmates all happy and enable them to gel so you can all have an amazing weekend. A common brickwall can be the initial stage of getting to know each other, therefore some quick jokes and one liners can be a great way to break the ice and make everyone feel at ease.
You also might want to write a speech for the bride on her hen night. While you will want tears on everyone's face, a quick joke inbetween can help to break up the blocks of content. We have written up all of the best jokes the team here at HenHeaven could think of, so I hope you find them useful!
What's the difference between lads and government bonds?
Government bonds eventually mature.
Why are single women lighter than married women?
When single women get home, they look in the fridge and then go to bed.
When married women get home, they look at what's in bed and then go to the fridge.
Why do men name their genitals?
They like to be on a first name basis with the thing that makes all the decisions in their life.
How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
one...men will screw anything!
Why do men struggle to keep eye contact?
Because breasts don't have eyes.
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time
Why does it require 1 million sperm to fertilize an egg?
They won't stop and ask for directions.
Men are like department stores...their clothes should always be half off.
Men are like a good cup of coffee...the best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night.
Men are like horoscopes...they tell you what to do but almost always get it wrong.
Men start most problems: MENstrual cramps, MENopause and MENtal illness.
If you think the way to a man's heart, you're aiming too high.
The most common reason for divorce is ill health...you're sick of him.
Husbands are like kids...They seem like a fun idea when someone else has one, but they're a lot of work once you actually have one.
If you meet a man who would make a great husband, he probably already is one.
I'll call you: I want to speak again, but I must wait exactly 3 days otherwise I will appear desperate.
My ex was crazy: you are an amazing upgrade
I was kidding: wow, this joke has really backfired
Strip clubs are disgusting: You get charged £20 and you don't get anything for it
I never watch porn: Time to delete the search history
I'm a little kinky: Time to open up the sexual ticklist, then let it out in short bursts so I don't scare her
Can we talk about this later: Something else has my full attention at this point in time
She's just a friend: She isn't attracted to me, so nothing ever happened
I don't mind: I'm not sure which option you would prefer, so this feels like the safest route
I never masturbate: Compared to when I was 14
You look great in that dress: Please don't try on another one
Let me give you a relaxing massage: Giggidy! There will be no relaxing
I'll cook dinner: But you have to do the washing up
How many guys have you slept with: Be honest, unless you're sexual history resembles Lyndsey Lohan's. Nobody wants to be compared to half the city
I'm not really looking for a relationship right now: I really want to have sex with you, but I can't see this going any further. On the other hand, I don't want us to stop having fun....F buddy's?
You should come to the gym with me some time: How do I tell her she has put on a bit of weight without offending her
I wasn't really thinking about anything: To be honest, I don't want you to judge my random thoughts, as I had slipped of into a daydream where I had become the greatest rock star / footballer of all time
How do you know that guy: Has she slept with him...insecurity alert! Time to find out more
I'm not angry: I'm frustrated at the scenario, but give me a second and I'll crack it (or I think I will in my head), however if you keep asking questions I will get angry
Can I help with dinner: I'm starving, can I nibble on anything while it's cooking
It's too difficult to explain: I have absolutely no idea, I completely winged it and can't offer an explanation
I've accomplished a lot today: I've earnt myself a pint!
I don't need to go to the doctor's: I can't be bothered to waste a day of annual leave sat in a waiting room for 3 hours, just to be told I'm probably fine and be offered ibuprofen
I don't need the instructions: I am man, I don't need meaningless instructions. I once constructed a bed with my bare hands 6 years ago. Wait, what are these things? Where the hell does that go? Ummm, could you grab me a tea so I can have a sneaky peak at those instructions
I'm taking her to a fancy restaurant: I really hope she doesn't order the champagne! I'll be broke for the rest of the month