Why hasn't your guy proposed to you yet?
Categories: Wedding Advice For Women
O.K. so you’ve been with your guy for a few years now. You share a home with each other; you’ve survived the test of sanity that involves assembling IKEA furniture - as a couple. You’ve met his parents, his friends. You’ve enjoyed holidays; you’ve endured arguments and you’ve resisted the urge to beat him with your Ken Hom wok. You’re happy, he seems happy and whilst things look to be going well you can’t help but notice that well… you’re not married.
As if catching those bouquets weren’t enough of a hint, your lovable man still seems completely oblivious… the thing is you don’t want to seem obscene by asking why. After all, you shouldn’t have to! However, it’s been years and as lovely as he is, he seems cemented in his ways and hasn’t even hinted at the “M” word. What’s a girl to do? Well let’s have a look at maybe why he hasn’t asked and what you can do about it…
He might not see marriage as “necessary”
O.K. if he’s held your hair back whilst you’ve been sick and run out in the rain to buy you tampons and Häagen-Dazs then chances are he loves you. So let’s assume that he does love you and he is happy. Fantastic, that’s great. So what’s the issue?? Well he could sadly, be stuck in his ways. Or I should say, stuck in your collective ways because sadly this situation takes two. Yes, he probably should have asked by now (seriously if you’ve been together for longer than 5 years then he really should have done…) However, you not hinting (though it makes you look like a cool girlfriend) has given him the leeway he needs to not consider marriage a priority.
He might not be able to afford it
Weddings are expensive. Rings are expensive. It’s easy to forget that but they are and if you’ve spent your money on other things like a flat/house/car then your lovely man might not be able to afford to get married –yet. That doesn’t mean he’s not thinking about it ever. It just means that he can’t afford it right now. If that is the case then try not to be on his case too much: annoyingly money and diamond rings don’t grow on trees.
He might secretly be afraid of marriage
Again, chances are he loves you and cares about you but if you’ve never breached the subject then you might not actually be aware the he has issues surrounding marriage that he’s never brought up. This is actually a tricky one because if this is the case then this may not be a situation that you can fix on your own: it may require professional help. If this is the case then I suggest contacting the counselling service Relate. The best thing to do is try and talk to him about it. Ask, especially if he’s a child of divorced parents. I know that’s stereotyping to an extent but it may have had an effect on him.
His focus is elsewhere
If you’re both in your twenties then chances are you’re still working on climbing the professional ladder and you haven’t given much thought to anything else. Most stable men are incredibly driven professionally, so he may be working on earning that paper to give you the life you’ve both been dreaming of. Like I said earlier, weddings are expensive and you’ll need plenty of moola to buy all that Moët.
He might actually not want to get married… to you
I actually hate myself for typing that but I couldn’t leave it out of the list. It may seem that you’re happy and things are going well but they do say that you never really know the person you’re with: is he really happy with you? People pretend they are happy because they get comfortable and complacent in their situations. It happens, and a lot of the time there’s no malice behind it. I’ve heard/witnessed a few scenarios where friends seemed happy but then out of the blue – they part ways . Sometimes after several years of being together... So make sure he genuinely wants to be with you and that you’re not just a place holder till he decides what he wants in life. Because you deserve to be happy and to have the wedding of your dreams and if it's not with your current guy then so be it.